The Greatest Show Ever
by CantFindAnyGoodPenName
Summary: Lit. Nothing serious... Ok it's actually very silly!
1. Chapter 1

The Greatest Show Ever

A/N: ok so this is chapter 1 of a silly little fic I've been working on… It's my very first so please be nice! Also English isn't my mother language – you can report misspellings or grammatical errors but feel free to ignore them ;)

It's a Literati of course. I don't think I'd write any other pairing – I violently dislike Narco, don't like Rogan and I never considered Tristin Rory's love interest. I may add some L/L but not too much, I just don't know how to write them right.

Disclaimer: I own GG mwahaha! I own the whole Rory sleeping with Dean thing and Jess leaving! No wait! I don't want that crap! Amy – it's definitely yours!

Raiting: T? I know nothing about rating system… Let's keep it T, you never know with me!

Enjoy!

(Opening to an older man sitting in a leather armchair with a book and a pipe in his hands)

Narrator: Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the story of love and hate, betrayal and broken hearts, sex and war… no wait! Wrong couple! (Flipping through flashcards) Ok it's not Buffy and Spike… Romeo and Juliet… (muttering) that didn't end well… Brian and Justin… Blah blah blah… Ha! Rory and Jess! That's it! Rory Gilmore and Jess Mariano! The good girl and the bad boy! The innocence and the darkness! The…

Voice interrupting: Geez, why don't you just start it already!

Narrator: (shouting) Excuse me but it's my part! I'm paid to do this! (calming his voice down) So as I was saying before I got _very_ _rudely_ interrupted, tonight we will witness the first part of our epic love story, we will interview some of the silent participants, our heroes' families and friends…and of course the couple itself! Rory, Jess – still with me?

Rory nods shyly. Jess rolls his eyes.

Narrator: (continuing) Great! So on with the show! Fasten your seatbelts kids…this will be a hell of a ride! (shouts enthusiastically)

No response whatsoever except for Jess – he rolls his eyes.

Narrator: (defeated) Could've guessed… Can someone start please?

The same voice that interrupted earlier: Finally! First I should introduce myself – my name's Howl, I'm Rory's book and… (drums) I witnessed their meeting!

It was one of those warm autumn evenings. I was getting to know my new neighbor, a fellow called Owen Meany, Rory was as per usual doing her homework and the Gilmores' house was filled with incredible smells coming from the kitchen. Of course this could only be a sign of Sookie's presence and an upcoming party.

That's when he came in. The kid looked like he'd desperately need a drink (Jess nods)… or get laid (Rory blushes furiously)… or both… or…

Rory and Jess simultaneously: We get it!

Howl: Right… So there they were… Seeing each other for the first time. Getting to know each other. You want to know what happened? Nothing! Rory was quickly putting on her "I'm so sweet and innocent" act…

Rory (disgusted): It's not an act!

Howl: Oh pleeeeease! I've talked to some of Jess' books; I know how you were acting with him in Luke's apartment. (Jess suddenly grins widely) All touchy-touchy and kissy-kissy and I heard some darn good stories involving tongues and…

Rory (between her teeth): Keep on going and your name will be _Auto da fe_.

Howl (gulps): Sorry… Off topic… Anyway Rory was playing I'm-your-new-best-friend card, Jess was rather…well…Jess. He asked some really lame questions, made even worse comments about phonics and suddenly I got pulled out of my shelf – in the middle of a conversation! – and couple of seconds later I found myself in his back pocket. Seriously buddy you should reconsider where you put your books in. I mean you have a cute butt and everything, but I'm not some Jane Eyre!

Jess (grossed out): God, it's disturbing. You _really_ should get friendlier with a certain Sigmund!

Howl (ignoring): And she isn't the only one. Oscar is always thrilled!

Jess (standing up): I'm leaving.

Howl (snaps out): Again off topic! (tries to smile apologetically) So as I was saying I suddenly found myself at Luke's, filled with new thoughts written on my margins – page 11 idea was brilliant by the way!

Jess: Erm… Thanks I guess…

Howl: I knew immediately that it was a beginning of something important for both of them. I wasn't sure about Rory at first. She still had her "knight in shining armor" fantasy going on with David…

Rory: Dean!

Howl: Sorry… Didn't know the guy too well… Books weren't his specialty, _n'est-ce pas_? (Jess smirks). So Rory was pretty much involved with this Donald guy…

Rory (angrily): Dean!

Jess and Howl simultaneously: Whatever!

Howl: But Jess – he was drawn to her almost immediately. The way he acted around her. Using his sarcasm as a defense mechanism, but still letting her see his nicer side…

Let me tell you this – I don't know if Rory had feelings for him right away. I don't know when exactly she felt for him (although heard some stories). But I know that he really felt different the minute he met her… (Rory looks warmly at Jess who smiles awkwardly.)

The minute his eyes met hers... The minute he felt warmth radiating from her body… Young, firm and untouched…

Rory looks shocked.

Jess (sarcastically): And they say romance's dead.

Howl: Her nicely rounded…

Narrator, Rory and Jess (shouting): Enough!

Howl (resentful): You don't need me here anymore, right? (leaves).

Narrator (tiredly): Thank you all for listening… Next time we will receive a winter coat and a pair of gloves… Goodbye!


	2. Chapter 2

The Greatest Show Ever 2

A/N: I got some reviews! Yay! And you guys didn't hate it! (starts singing) It's a very very mad world…

About the whole Brian/Justin blah blah it wasn't their blah blah. It was a general blah blah (I have to stop saying blah blah :). I absolutely love them and Gale's one of the hottest guys on TV (and I should probable stop before I'll make any NC-17 comment ;)

So I guess there's only one thing to add – THANK YOU ALL!

Disclaimer: Don't own GG… but… I own Milo! Yes I do! Alexis lets me play with him once in a while! Hmm… sounds dirrrrrrrrty!

Chapter 2 (warning: it gets cheesy…) R&R! pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease… (no I'm not pathetic ;))

(Opening. Our narrator is sitting in the same armchair…wearing a veeeeeeeery colorful Hawaiian shirt.)

Narrator: Aloha! Just got from a vacation… I must admit that this stupid job pays pretty well! (looks around) and it's taxes free… Anyway hello to all of you and welcome to the next episode of the _Literati Story. Behind the scenes._ Such a cool title… I'm a real genius! And tonight we will not only receive our direct witnesses but a certain lovely couple as well!

Rory is beaming. Jess half smiles.

Narrator: No, not you dears… I meant Lorelai and Luke!

Lorelai (very excitedly): Yay! It's us! Luke, it's all about us!

Luke: ……………

Narrator: Sorry Lorelai… it's still all about your daughter. But who knows maybe one day…

Lorelai: It's because Luke isn't a hoodlum wrecking people's cars and insulting every living creature isn't it?

Jess (angrily): Hey! Haven't done that for years! And it's because we're much more interesting than some coffee addict with a verbal incontinence and her flannel puppy dog!

Luke: You better watch what you're saying! I'm not her puppy dog!

Lorelai (to Luke): But you think he's right about coffee… and other of my qualities? You can forget about your Deanna Troi fantasy mister!

Rory: Gross mom! I really didn't need to know that!

Narrator: Me neither actually… And I'm sorry to interrupt this lovely family discussion you four were having but our first guest just arrived, so let's give it a warm welcome! (claps hands madly)

Luke (annoyed): Geez, is he like this all the time?

Lorelai (sighs happily): I like him!

Narrator (to Lorelai): Sorry it's just an act… They pay me more when I get all happy and weird… I'm pretty sad in real life… Actually I'm a very sad man. You see I've never known love like you guys have. My wife left me for my half brother and it was just after I got fired from my job and right before I lost my apartment but it wasn't that bad not like the time I got…

Luke: Jess you have my permission to shut him up!

Jess (sarcastically): Oh no Uncle Luke! I think we'll get an _It's a wonderful life_ speech at the end!

Narrator: Don't need your pity anyway! I'll just go home! See if you can do my job better than me! (gets up and leaves).

Lorelai: This is so cool! Can I take his place? Oh oh! Maybe I should wear a crown or something?

Luke (sighs): The first guest please… (no one shows) I said THE FIRST GUEST!

The first guest appears: I'm here… please don't shout anymore… I'm very delicate…

Lorelai (excitedly): Oh! I know you! Rory look!

The first guest: Of course you know me! I'm your daughter's winter coat! You bought me! (The girls wave. The guys just look annoyed.)

Tonight I'm here to tell you a little story of an increasing attraction… and a sleigh.

Lorelai and Rory (singing): Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh…

Winter Coat (continues humming): lalalalala… (reflects suddenly) I've been with you girls for too long… Oh well… It's my story time! It was a cold winter night…

Jess (interrupting): Do you guys _always_ have to start with the weather report? (mockingly) It was a warm autumn evening; it was a cold winter night…

Rory: I kinda agree with Jess on that. It's repetitive… (to Lorelai who looks like she wants to say something) and don't start with the redundant mom!

Lorelai (pounting): You're taking his side… (in a Emily like voice) Shame on you young lady! You actually agree with Mr. No-Hairbrush…

Jess (indulgently): Come on Lorelai! Even Emily would find a better name than that!

Lorelai: Oh my God! He's right! I have to agree with him! Rory!

Rory: The world is coming to an end…

Winter Coat (shyly): Can I continue? (silent agreement) So it was a cold… Ok the weather bit is out… I was with Rory of course and we were nicely wrapped in a warm blanket, happily anticipating the sleigh ride that Lorelai prepared before the Bracebridge Dinner. It was softly snowing, the Christmas lights were to be seen everywhere and everything was so quiet you could almost touch the silence…

Jess (sarcastically): How poetic!

Rory: Stop it! He's getting to the best part!

Jess: Really? Which one was it? The wonderful smell of the horses or the cold that freezed my…

Rory (adds quickly): The part when you jumped in!

Everyone's looking at Jess waiting for his reaction.

Jess (softly): Oh… That's… You know… (silence)

Lorelai (chipping in): Nice? Adorable? Sweet? Romantic? Lovely?

Luke (warningly): Lorelai…

Jess (looking intensely at Rory): Yeah… I mean continue…

Winter Coat: The part when he just jumped in… Rory was quite surprised I must say, but surprised in a good way… (anticipating Jess' reaction) even if she played resentful and angry. The ride was amazing! The way they talked about everything and nothing! (beat) OK so they mostly talked about Dean but still they shared a moment. You know a _moment_… And of course the whole Bjork and snowmen contest thing! (to Jess) That was a winner topic for a conversation with Rory! And we all know the result of this innocent little talk (winks to Jess).

Luke: Why I'm not surprised it was you…

Lorelai: Ha! I knew it! I knew it was you who destroyed the snowman!

Rory (amused): Really mom? Because if I remember well, you suspected absolutely everybody! You even thought that it was a result of _your_ sleepwalking criminal tendencies…

Lorelai: It was a coffee-free dinner theory! My brain wasn't functioning!

Winter Coat (trying to ignore the whole discussion): What a smart move it was, Jess! You let her see that not only you two had literature in common but also good music!

Jess (shrugs): It's not like I planned it.

Winter Coat: Then I guess we can all admit that you two had an incredible connection. You talked with each other like if you were lifetime best friends… (getting dreamy) Best friends and soul mates… Forever linked…

The girls (seriously) and Luke (mockingly): Awwwwwwww…

Jess shrugs again.

Winter Coat (tearfully): I'm sorry… I'm very sensitive. (leaves crying)

Rory: Mom, since you wanted the narrator part, you should end tonight's show.

Luke: Oh God yes, I really have better things to do than this crap…

Lorelai (looking at narrator's flashcards): But it says we have another guest.

Luke (taking the flashcard from Lorelai): Oh great… (muttering) A pair of gloves… (suddenly loudly) MIA?

Jess: They must be mine. I lost them somewhere in California.

Luke: What would you do with a pair of winter gloves in California? You know what… I don't want to know… (to everybody) Let's go.

They leave.

Few minutes later Lorelai reappears.

Lorelai (in a very bad British accent): Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen, for your attention!

Luke and Rory (shouting off screen): Lorelai/Mom!

Lorelai leaves.

A/N: I added L/L sooner than I thought I would. Mainly because they're the only reason I'm still watching the show… and because I still regret that this fabulous four didn't have any cool scenes together…


	3. Chapter 3

The Greatest Show Ever 3

A/N: Chapter 3 – very short, but I promise the next one will be much longer. Also I decided not to go AU, so everything in S4-5 happened... but I have an idea for the ending (happy one... What? Don't act surprize! There's a method in this madness!)

I know the story is weird... I tried to write "normal" stuff... You don't want to know the results lol

And of course THANK YOU! You make my day people!

Disclaimer: GG… not mine… Oh, Alexis called… She really isn't that sweet when it comes to her man… So Milo I really think we should keep it quiet ;)

(Opening. The narrator's armchair is empty.)

Rory (off screen): Jess! Come here!

Jess (off screen): You've found him? Where the hell is he!

Rory (off screen, whispering): He's in the closet I think… Hiding…

Jess (off screen, pissed off): Geez! He's a grown up man! Come on out right now!

We hear some muttering, closet opening; the narrator appears suddenly and sits on his chair. He looks terrible, disheveled hair, dirty clothes.

Jess (to Rory): Is he going to sit here all day just looking like crap?

Rory: Shhh you'll make it worse… (to narrator, very gently) Come on, it's something you do the best. That's why you got this job. I know you have some…problems right now, but you have to make this introduction speech.

Narrator just looks at Rory. He's still in a semi catatonic state.

Rory (continuing): You'll just say hello to our audience and introduce tonight's guests and stay here for a while and then you'll go home.

Narrator (looks again at Rory, then very quietly): Hi… bye (storms out)

Jess: Huh. That was quick.

Rory (panicked): So what should we do now? I mean shouldn't we like go after him or call for professional help? Or maybe we should just leave him alone for a while? What if he hurts himself!

Jess (not really listening to Rory's babbling): I guess one thing is sure… He isn't mentally stable…

Rory: Jess! Come on! Should we do the speech ourselves?

Jess: What? No way I'm doing any stupid speech! I don't even remember agreeing to this bullshit in first place!

Rory: I can't do this alone!

Jess: I say we leave.

Rory: What about the audience? We can't just leave… can we?

Jess pulls her by the sleeve of her shirt and they leave. We can still hear Rory protesting a little. Then nothing.

The stage goes completely dark.

A minute later the lights are on again and we see a tiny wicker basket.

Picnic Basket (almost inaudibly): Hello? Anybody's here? Mommy! (tries to hide but quickly comes back) hi I wanted to go but they said I can't and I have to save the show but I don't want to but they said I have to because the girl and the boy left and they used a word that mommy says I can't use because it's not nice and they want me to tell you about my first picnic and I was very happy because the market was boring and then this pretty girl bought me and then people wanted to fight over me but they didn't and me and the girl and a boy with funny hair went to a bridge and I got to carry food for the first time but I don't know if it really was food because it didn't look like food and it stunk but I guess it really was food because the boy with funny hair tried to eat it but I don't think he liked it and the girl was laughing and then they were smiling at each other and I was afraid that they will kiss just like she did with this very very very very very very very tall boy and it's yuck and it's funny because she looked like she could use a ladder but they didn't and they just talked and talked and I got bored and they talked about fountains and about someone called Honeyway but I haven't seen himat the market so I don't know him but I think it's a funny name and then they were just staring at each other and mommy told me that this is what people in love do but I think it's stupid to stare like that because they already knew how they looked like and then we left and I went with the boy with funny hair and he kept me in his closet and then we went to other place and it was hot and sometimes he looked at me and got quiet and sad but I don't think it was because of me and I have to find my mommy. (runs away)

A/N: A friend of family has daughter who talks like this… Man it's annoying :)


	4. Chapter 4

The Greatest Show Ever 4

A/N: I really hate this chapter… so read it at your own risk! Also if any of you like Dean you should skip this one, actually what are you doing reading this? Skip the whole story ;)

And don't tell me that Dean's OC coz I really tried to do him little justice, but having a gag reflex every time I ended up writing him this way…

Last thing - you are great! Thank you all very very much for your reviews!

Disclaimer: What I own – my laptop (that I even named!), too many dvds and cds (in my mother's opinion), a twisted imagination (in everybody's opinion) and this story… What I definitely don't own – GG, Milo (I admitted! Yes! Phase one accomplished lol) and thousands of other stuff that would make me rich and famous…

(Opening. The stage looks completely different than usual; there are white flowers everywhere. A hot looking guy in a tight t-shirt, _FBI Fabulous Bachelor Inside_ printed on it, is sitting on a chair, assuming model-like poses.)

We can hear voices. It's Lorelai and Luke.

Lorelai: … and then I heard that the poor guy went totally _Psycho_! (expecting a reaction from Luke).

Luke (not listening): That's nice…

Lorelai: Luke, you're not listening! We met a real life Norman Bates!

Luke (seeing the change of scenery and the new guy): What the… Who the hell are you?

Lorelai (seeing the new guy): Oh wow! I mean… that's a nice change… new narrator… new and (eyeing the guy) improved…

Luke: This is ridiculous! I mean it never was serious but now they added to this insanity a life size Ken doll!

Lorelai: I think he can talk and move, which means that he's not a doll but…

Rory and Jess enters. Jess is pushed in by Rory and he looks furious.

Lorelai: Rory! Look! I think they gave us a new toy!

Rory looks around taking in the changes.

Rory: That's great! Reeeeeeeealy great! Just what I needed today…

Lorelai: What's wrong? I bet it's Jess' fault!

Jess looks even more furious but says nothing.

Rory: Not everything is his fault mom! (beat) Except for today…

(Lorelai looks triumphal.)

First he refused to come here today so I needed to use a little force to get him and now he refuses to talk…

Lorelai: It's not like he usually talks volumes.

Rory: Mom! That's not the point!

Lorelai: Not that I'm interested in Jess' state of mind but why this sudden rebellion?

Rory (lowers her eyes): Erm… It's nothing… He just got mad… He doesn't like tonight's choice of guests…

Jess (suddenly finding his voice, shouting): I don't like? I don't _like_? They did this on purpose to piss me off!

Lorelai: He talked! Rory it's alive! It's aliiiiiive mwahahaha!

Jess (annoyed): Haha Lorelai… (realizing something) You know, that's what was said when (looking angrilyat Rory) _our guest_ appeared on this Earth…

Lorelai looks confused.

Rory: Uh oh…

Someone's voice cuts the silence.

The guest: Very funny… but it's getting a little old, Jess…

Lorelai, Rory, Luke (sigh): Dean…

Jess (sarcastically): Bagboy… Long time, no see, huh? (beat) Let's keep it this way!

Rory: Jess, come on… Try to be civilized…

Dean: Rory, you know better than anyone that you're asking for impossible…

Luke: Dean, why don't you just shut up?

Dean: I guess it runs in family…

Lorelai: Hey!

Dean: I'm really sorry Lorelai. I just can't stand him. Not after everything he did to Rory.

Jess (sarcastically): Oh, please! At least I didn't introduce her to the wonderful world of adultery!

Rory (shocked): Jess!

Dean (triumphant): It really bugs you that she chose me to be her first…

Rory (shocked and angry): Dean!

Jess: Maybe first… but certainly not the best, right Rory? I've had enough for tonight… (he leaves.)

Luke: I think I've had enough, too. (blushing) Too many details about Rory's… erm… life… and Dean's presence… I agree with Jess on that… (he follows Jess.)

Dean (contently): I guess it's just the three of us… Just like the old times…

Lorelai (to herself): Four, there's our silent narrator.

Rory: Ok, Dean since you're here why don't you just tell what you're supposed to tell and leave?

Dean: Rory, aren't you happy to see me?

Rory (muttering): Not really… (smiling politely) The story please!

Lorelai (still to herself): Why would they give him a job like this if he's mute? It's not logical! Ok they needed an eye candy but still… he's supposed to do more than just sit and look hot…

Rory: Mom!Work with me here! NOW!

Lorelai: Wow Rory! Aren't we testy today!

Dean: I just wanted to say that it feels really great to be back with you two. To feel just like at the beginning when it was just the three of us!

Lorelai: Sorry kid but at the beginning it was me and Chris… then me and Rory… then me and Rory _and_ Chris at one point… then again me and…

Rory: Mom we get the point… Now remember when you agreed to a little cooperation? (Lorelai opens her mouth to say something) It starts right now! (Lorelai says nothing, pouting.) Dean – your story!

Dean: I'm here to tell you all, the _true_ story about Rory and… him. Thanks to me you'll see what kind of a guy he is and why hooking up with him was Rory's biggest mistake! (Rory looks angry.) He's a punk, a jerk… and a thief! (Rory shoots death glare.) He stole Rory's bracelet!

New guest appears and cuts in immediately.

The new guest: Sorry Dean, but it's not true… I know it for sure!

Dean (angrily): Of course it is! He stole it and then mind warped her to lie to me! (Lorelai chuckles.)

The new guest: No he didn't! It didn't happen this way!

Dean: Yes it did!

The new guest: No it didn't!

Dean: Yes it…

Rory (interrupting annoyed): Oh my God, are you ten?

The new guest (shyly): Actually I am…

Rory (tiredly): You know what… I don't care… Say whatever you want…

The new guest: Than can I say something? (Rory nods.) He didn't steel me… Oh yeah, Dean it's me, the bracelet (waves to Dean.) Rory dropped me at the picnic and he picked me up and I stayed with him for a while. He didn't know that it was you who made me for her birthday…

Dean: The picnic? (accusingly to Rory) You didn't even realize it was gone for days!

Rory: Dean, would you stop! It was a long time ago!

The Bracelet: Yes Dean, she's right! (beat) But you're not wrong entirely either… I mean it wasn't all that innocent… (to Rory) You did totally forget about me! (long pause) It was symbolic! (looks at everybody proudly.)

Rory (reluctantly): Ok maybe it was _but _we really were friends and only friends at that time! And Dean, you were always so suspicious about everything and so jealous! Our relationship was going downhill with every scene you were making!

Lorelai: Amen sister! Or rather daughter…

Rory: Mom! You're not helping!

Dean (more and more loudly): Maybe I was jealous, but you gave me reasons to be like this! And this whole "he was just dropping some food from Luke's" thing? Ha!

Rory (shouting exasperated): He was!

Long silence.

Lorelai (out of blue): Do you think he'll dance at the end? You know… hot guy… add a pole, disco music, some cocktails with umbrellas and (sing songy) we have a party!

Everybody stares at Lorelai who just shrugs.

Dean: I think I should go…

Rory: That's the best line you had this entire evening…

Dean: So I guess you won't give me your new cell phone number? (Rory looks disgusted) Ok well… see you!

Lorelai (happily): Bye Dean!

The Bracelet: Dean, wait! I'll go with you!

Dean (off screen): Where do you live now?

The Bracelet (off screen): Oh, in Dean box… It's pretty cozy and the company is nice too. We were actually thinking about putting together a football team. Me and _The Lord of the Rings_ cinema tickets…

Lorelai (to Rory): That was some show… How you're feeling babe?

Rory: Tired… But I should talk to Jess before he'll get even madder…

Lorelai: You know there's a bright side to this whole mess we had tonight.

Rory: There is? Then it must be well hidden…

Lorelai (proudly): I don't think he stole this stupid bracelet anymore!

Rory: Great mom… I'm sure Jess will be thrilled to hear that…

Lorelai: Nah… no need to inform him… (suddenly realizing) What should we do about the narrator? Leave him sitting here in this ridiculous pose?

Rory: I guess… Or maybe we should try to communicate with him?

Lorelai (to the narrator, very slowly): Us (pointing at her and Rory) leave now. You (pointing at the narrator) leave? You stay?

The narrator suddenly stands up. He puts on a white shirt and a very elegant jacket; pulls out a notebook and a pen.

Narrator: I must say that I've been witnessing some very interesting interactions tonight. They will definitely help me in preparation for the next show. (the girls look stunned.) And I've got some precisions to make at this point… First – the former narrator didn't go "Psycho" as you nicely put it Lorelai. His problem was diagnosed as a dysthymic disorder, of course in a DSM-IV classification, which personally being a disciple of post-lacanian theories I don't find accurate… And second – the change in scenery is just temporary. We host a wedding after this show, so… (looking expectedly at Lorelai and Rory who stilllook shocked) we (pointing at the three of them) leave now, ok? (he leaves)

The girls still stay mouth opened.

A/N: Is it me or Dean has this pesky tendency of ruining any fun? I tried to make this chapter funny, but Dean's so… bleh… Won't happen again, I promise!

Reviews… please… pretty please…


	5. Chapter 5

The Greatest Show Ever 5

A/N: About the next chapter - I'm not sure when I'll update, don't laugh, because of the heatwave! I feel like a part of my brain got deleted... I hate when it's that hot...

And BIG THANKS to my reviewers – you guys are great!

Disclaimer: I will own GG one day… I have this evil plan to control people's minds and then… the world will be mine! Ha!

(Opening. The new narrator, Lorelai, Rory, Jess and Luke are all sitting in a circle. Rory looks nervous. Lorelai looks intrigued. Luke and Jess both look like they're ready to leave any minute.)

Narrator (in a very official tone, to the gathering): Good evening.

Rory (politely) and Lorelai (cheerily): Good evening.

Luke mutters something. Jess says nothing at all.

Narrator: Welcome back to the show in its completely new form. However before we begin to interview tonight's participants I'd like to set up some rules that will stand from now on. (everybody sighs) I've read the reports about the previous episodes and I've seen the last show personally and I must say that some things must stop. Some of you don't bother to stay for more than a few minutes (looks at Luke and Jess), others don't pay any attention at all (looks at Lorelai) and well… you (to Rory), you're always so stressed that the audience needs a tranquilizer afterwards. This must change. I will no longer tolerate behavior like this. You'll come here for your appointed meetings, you will stay and _politely_ participant and you will leave when, and only when, I say that the show is over. (Rory looks terrorized, Lorelai and Luke seem bewildered and Jess looks skeptical.) Now, I think we should discuss the events that took place the last time. Clear the atmosphere. Relax a little. Who'd like to start?

Silence. Everybody just stares at the narrator.

Narrator: Ok, I'll start. How are you Jess?

Jess (dryly): Peachy.

Narrator: Maybe you'd like to tell us how did you feel seeing Dean again?

Jess: It was as pleasurable as meeting Stalin.

Lorelai snorts. Rory sighs.

Luke: Geez Jess. Would it kill you to lay off the bad boy routine for a minute?

Jess (shrugs): Being nice is overrated.

Lorelai: A little hostile aren't we, _Jessie_?

Luke: Lorelai please it's neither the time nor place…

Narrator: Actually you're wrong Luke… If Lorelai wants to express her feelings we should let her do this. (gesture to Lorelai)

Lorelai: I just meant that Jess, no offense, is definitely not the nicest guy we know.

Rory: Mom you have to stop blaming Jess for every world's known catastrophe. He's not a devil incarnate.

Lorelai (muttering): He's the older version of _Rosemary's Baby_.

Luke (exasperated): Lorelai, it's my nephew you're talking about!

Lorelai (winks to Luke): Yes my big devil!

Rory: Eeew.

Jess just looks disgusted.

Lorelai (to Rory and Jess): Wait till they invite Luke's couch… See who's going to eeew who then!

Rory blushes.

Narrator: So Lorelai, you were saying something about Jess' bad side of personality…

Lorelai: It's a pretty large side… More like 99 percent.

Jess (sarcastically): Wow Lorelai, I didn't know that you thought so highly of me. I mean one percent!

Lorelai: I'm getting soft with age.

Luke (to himself): I'm going to need Advil.

Jess: Uncle Luke are you sure you're ready for stuff that strong? How bout some nice chamomile tea?

Luke stands up.

Lorelai: Luke where you're going?

Luke: Find a wall.

Lorelai: Find a wall? What for?

Luke (shouting): To put my head through!

Narrator: Now now let's calm down. Luke why don't you tell us how you feel?

Luke: And why don't _you_ shut up! I didn't sign for any group therapy so watch what you're doing or you won't be able to feed yourself for some time!

Long silence. Narrator looks a little scared.

Jess (cutting in silence): You signed something? (Luke sighs tiredly) No seriously you signed? Coz we didn't get any contract, nothing.

Rory (changing the subject, to narrator): Why don't you tell us something about our new guests?

Narrator (uncomfortably): Unfortunately… Well, tonight's guests… Let's just say that there's a slight problem…

Jess: They met you and run away to Mexico?

Luke (to Jess): Canada's closer.

Lorelai: They got kidnapped?

Rory: They got a better deal on national TV?

Jess (sarcastically, to Rory): Yeah, a spin-off!

Lorelai: They got abducted and now the yellow slimy aliens are making an army of their duplicates capable of destroying our planet?

Everybody stares at Lorelai for a momoent.

Narrator (still slightly shocked): No… They got… they got recycled ok!

Rory (to Lorelai): And suddenly your idea doesn't seem so silly anymore!

Luke (deeply in thoughts): The car.

Lorelai, Rory, Jess: What?

Luke: They invited the car that Jess totaled.

Lorelai: Rory's car?

Luke (to Jess): Did you crash any other cars?

Jess (offended): No!

Luke (to Lorelai): Then yes, Rory's car.

Narrator (finding his official tone again): You're absolutely right Luke. We invited Rory's car but unfortunately we were informed that it's been recycled. We were supposed to invite it in its totality -the wheel, the dashboard, the breaks… but only the rear-view mirror agreed to our offer. Is that right?

Rear-view mirror: Yeah yeah… I needed cash so here I am… You want me to tell you what happened that night? Easy, it was her fault. (points to Rory)

Everybody: No!

Rear-view mirror: Yes! She was constantly distracting the guy!

Everybody: No!

Rear-view mirror: Yes! Stealing glances, smiling sweetely.

Narrator (to the four): Please don't say no!

Lorelai: Hey the no-yes felt just like in _Some like it hot_! You know the scene where Sugar tells the guys about…

Rear-view mirror (rudely interrupting, not minding Lorelai's pout): As I was saying the poor guy didn't know what to do with himself! She had this _look_… You know the _hoping look_. And she was in this cheerleader mood! You know (mockingly, in a girly like voice) "oh Jess you're the best!"; "Jess you can do anything!"

Rory (angrily): I don't sound like this!

Jess: And she wasn't distracting me!

Rory: We had an accident because we tried to save an animal!

Rear-view mirror: Is that how she calls you Jess?

Rory stays mouth opened.

Jess: Look, you obsessed idiot, you know nothing! She saw an animal on the road, she shouted, I swerved, we crashed. End of story. Bye.

Rear-view mirror: Who do you call an idiot you little jerk?

Narrator (desperately): That's it for tonight. Thank you all. Good night!

Jess and rear-view mirror still argue. Lorelai asks Rory repeatedly about the animal. Luke covers his face with the baseball cap.


	6. Chapter 6

The Greatest Show Ever 6

A/N: I loved writing this chapter…Because it's about some of my favorite Lit scenes ever...So it will be short and sweet lol I don't want to sound nostalgic, but hell I REALLY miss episodes like these…

Again thank you all for your reviews... I still can't believe that you actually like it... You're amazing!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: You know it's not mine, right? I don't want to repeat it every time… And I don't want it without Jess anyway!

(Opening. Once again the stage is completely changed. It looks like a typical New York's street. There's even a hot dog cart in a corner. Billy Joel's _New York State of Mind_ is playing.)

Rory and Jess appear. They look around, both surprised and enchanted.

Rory: Wow Jess look at that! It's so…

Jess: New York-ish?

Rory (smiling): I was going to say beautiful but you're definitely right.

Jess: It's a bit cliché, don't you think? All you need to add is a tourist with _I heart N.Y._ t-shirt…

Rory: No, it's perfect! (shyly) Perfect set to talk about perfect day…

Jess nods and smiles back.

Narrator appears dressed as a hot dog salesman. His apron isn't entirely covering his _I heart N.Y. _t-shirt…

Jess (noticing the t-shirt): First time?

Narrator (sheepishly): Yeah… I'm from Kansas…

Jess chuckles. Rory smiles widely.

Narrator: Forgot to say hello… to you two and to our public…

Rory: That won't be a problem… being in New York…

Jess (pretending being offended): Are you saying that New Yorkers are rude?

Rory (teasing): Just this one I know.

Jess (jokingly): Huh. I didn't know you knew other New Yorkers beside me…

They smile at each other.

Jess (to narrator): So who's the guest tonight? The owner of the record store?

Rory: The hot dog cart?

Jess: One of my books?

Rory: Jess' jersey shirt?

Jess (surprised, to Rory): You remember what I was wearing that day?

Rory (avoiding eye contact): Yeah… Only because you looked good in it… (she blushes)

Jess (teasing): Well well well… Miss Gilmore I'm shocked! Did you keep any of my t-shirts too? Coz I can't find my favorite Metallica…

Rory (protesting a little too eagerly): NO! Maybe you left it somewhere or maybe Luke hided it or maybe it got stolen or…

Jess (whispering): Don't worry… Your secret is safe with me…

Rory blushes again. Jess smirks.

Narrator: There won't be any guests tonight. (they look surprised) Just the two of you. Inviting someone else seemed out of place… That day was all about you two and tonight's show will do the same.

Rory (very quietly): Thank you… (turning to Jess) So…

Jess: So… (looks uncertainly) It was a perfect day for you?

Rory: And for you?

Jess (awkwardly): Yeah…. Why do you think it was perfect?

Rory (taking deep breath): Because it was one of the few times I was really spontaneous and I was following my heart for once and… because it was just the two of us… It seemed like everything else existed in some other world… There was no "poor innocent Rory, who never does stupid things and who got in a car accident only because of this bad boy", there was no mom and Luke fighting, there was no Dean and his jalousie… Just you and me… And it felt perfect… You said it yourself… It was fate… (Jess smiles) You know… without your phone call the night before…I don't think I would have courage to come and see you…

Jess: You know… without your visit that day… I don't think I would have courage to come back…

Rory (teasing): I though you _just wanted to come back_.

Jess (smugly): True. I also knew you wouldn't resist my charm anymore and you would at least give me a _welcome home_ kiss.

Rory: It was a very innocent kiss!

Jess: Innocent with tongue?

Rory: There was no tongue!

Jess: Right. We were one second away from that.

Rory pretends to be mad then laughs.

Jess: Do you think they have other songs than this one? If I hear it one more time…

Rory: God I hope so, four times in a row seem enough… (to narrator sitting in a corner) Do you have something else? Other songs about New York?

Jess (hopefully): Sex Pistols? Bowie? AC/DC?

Narrator shakes his head.

Rory: Dylan? Springsteen?

Narrator shakes his head again.

Narrator (after long reflection, happily): We have Barry Manilow!

Rory and Jess exchange glances.

Rory (quickly): That's ok, we have to go anyway. It was a very nice show… thank you again... erm… bye! (they both storm out)

Narrator shrugs. A minute later we can hear Barry Manilow's _New York's Rhythm_ and narrator singing along.

A/N: I have nothing against New Yorkers (quite the contrary :)), nor tourists buying this kind of t-shirt (if I ever go to New York, I am so buying one!), nor Kansas (came to my mind without any particular reason), nor Barry Manilow's fans (though I'm not one of them... ).

That was me being politically correct lol

Oh! The Billy Joel's song is about 6 min long so there's no way it could be played 4 times during this conversation, but hey let's pretend!


	7. Chapter 7

The Greatest Show Ever 7

A/N: Just a big thanks to all of you… I'm glad you enjoy it, coz I sure am enjoying writing it!

About a kissing scene… Patience young grasshopper, one day it will happen… :)

And rebellover: You're serious? Coz ok I can be crazy but making such a comparison should be illegal! So my answer is no I didn't (or at least not intentionally…) :)

Disclaimer: I'm tired of saying the same thing… I'll brag instead lol Next week I'll be in Paris for Damien Rice's concert! YAY! At least for me it's a yay, coz I love his music :) Ok I'll stop now… Sorry… Just ignore this part…

On with the show!

(Opening. The stage looks exactly like Doose's Market. Jess is sitting near the counter. It seems like he's talking to someone.)

Jess (annoyed): Fascinating…

Voice (excitedly): Isn't it? And then my second cousin, but not the one I told you about before, because that one was on my mother's side, the one that's on my father's side, he said "I won't be treated like this"! And he decided to conduct a strike which at that time was pretty unusual because of economic changes that witnessed North American society…

Rory enters.

Jess (relieved): Rory! Thank God!

Rory (amused): So now I'm a God send… I can live with that.

Voice: Oh Rory! It's so nice to see you again! Did I ever tell you a story about my uncle, the one who used to live with a lumberjack for about two years?

Rory looks confused. Jess grimaces.

Rory (unsurely): No?

Voice: You so have to know this one! Jess, wanna know what happened to him?

Jess (deadpan): No.

Voice: Oh, Jess you're always so funny! Pretending like you don't care and all! (Jess shakes his head exasperated) So as I was saying my uncle the one who used to live with a lumberjack for two years told me once this story…

Rory (interrupting the babbling, to Jess): When did you get here? I think it's the first time you're on time!

Jess: About 10 min and 50 family stories ago… Traffic was good… (looks at the guest) unfortunately.

Rory (to the guest): Who are you and where is our narrator?

The guest: He was here when I arrived. He was very interested in the story my great aunt told me about her travel to Vegas coz he was going there to some fan convention but unfortunately when I started telling him this really funny anecdote involving…

Rory: He left?

The guest: Yes… he suddenly got a phone call from a friend from Alaska and had to leave immediately… That reminds of my parents' friend who actually saw a bear and when…

Rory: He left! I can't believe he left!

Jess: Can you blame him? I just can't believe he didn't warn us…

Rory (again to the guest): So who are you?

The guest: I'm here for the show; I'm your tonight's witness. I lived with Doose for long time now and they wanted me to tell something about you two and I consulted this with my family and they said that it's my opportunity to become famous coz I don't know if I told you but I sing a little and I even wrote a song or two and it's mostly about everything my family…

Jess: You live with Taylor? And I thought my life wasn't easy…

Rory smiles.

Jess (frowns): What?

Rory (amused): Nothing… Luke junior.

Jess: I am not like Luke!

The guest: There is a slight resemblance. I for example was told that I look just like my uncle…

Rory: Can you just tell us your story? We'll do the narrator part.

The guest (sadly): Oh no… I wanted his part… I'd love to host my own show one day… (dreamily) Maybe something on MTV…

Rory (tiredly): Go ahead. Just try to avoid family related topics.

The guest (excitedly): Oh thank you so much! Ok (changing his voice into a narrator-like one) Ladies and Gentlemen… Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

Jess puts his head in his hands. Rory sighs.

Rory (to Jess): Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Jess: Does it involve Jack Nicholson and an axe? (Rory nods) Oh yeah…

The guest (continuing): Welcome to my show! Tonight we will receive a wonderful guest. We feel truly honoured and thrilled to have him here and…

Jess: Get to the point.

The guest (in his usual voice): Well thank you for this warm welcome!

The guest (in his narrator like voice): Why don't you introduce yourself to our favourite couple and of course faithful audience?

The guest (in his usual voice): Of course. I'm a canned tomato soup and I've spend a quite long time at the Doose's market. Tonight I will tell you what I witnessed… Let's start with the fact that Doose's is a pretty boring place. I have a cousin in Boston and he told me once some good stories (noticing warning looks from both Rory and Jess) that… I will tell you another time. It happened one evening. I have to say that it's been a very long time since we heard a fight like this and we were all more than intrigued. Rory and Jess fighting. I have to say that with you two our life at the market was less monotonous… I mean with Rory and Dean all we ever witnessed were chaste kisses or dull conversations… Except when they were fighting about Jess… Ah, good old times… Anyway Rory was definitely giving Jess the cold shoulder, while Jess was desperately trying to find out why she was ignoring him.

Rory (interrupting): I wasn't giving him the cold shoulder. My mom was waiting outside!

Jess: _Desperately trying to find out_? I couldn't care less if she was ignoring me or not!

Rory (to Jess): Well of course you didn't care! You were too busy making out with this little… hussy!

Jess: Her name was Shannon ok!

Rory (shocked): Her name was Shane! God you don't even remember her name! How did you call _me_ when we weren't together anymore? (bitterly) Tori?

Jess (angrily): Geez you still don't get it! There are thousands of Shanes but there is only one Rory!

Rory looks surprised. She smiles, slightly embarrassed.

The guest (in his usual voice, in a very serious tone): I'll tell you two what I saw that evening. I saw a guy desperately trying to hide the fact that he was hurt by a girl he was in love with. I saw a very jealous girl pretending like she didn't care that the guy was with someone else. And I saw a couple of unhappy people who couldn't admit that they were drawn to each other and that the only thing they wanted was to be together.

Rory (quietly): You're right… I was jealous… How could I not be? It was supposed to be me…

Jess (reluctantly): I guess I might have been a little hurt… No news, nothing… and after what happened…

They look at each other. Jess reaches out for Rory's hand.

The guest: Now that everything is settled… (happily) How about I tell you about my friend's grand uncle who got to pose for Warhol?

Jess rolls his eyes, takes Rory's hand and they leave.

The guest, not even noticing their departure, still rambles.

A/N: Tell me if I'm getting too mushy or something…


	8. Chapter 8

The Greatest Show Ever 8

A/N: Sorry I couldn't update sooner… I guess I should explain what happened to the first kiss episode. I didn't do a separate chapter about it because I didn't want it to be overanalyzed, it would take out the magic of the moment. That's why I let them mention Jess' coming back and the kiss in the New York chapter – the moment seemed more appropriate, having a totally romantic scenery etc. Also the episodes were so linked, one resulting in the next. I'll do the same thing with the Dance Marathon and Let the games… so don't be surprised!

Also I finally discovered what Stats means lol So extra thanks for putting this story on your favorites list!

Disclaimer: I'm sure that someone from WB is going to read this disclaimer so I have only one thing to say… I own it ha! Try to sue me! Kidding kidding…

Enjoy and… feedback good, me like reviews lol

(Opening. A new narrator is sitting in his chair. He looks very elegant - Armani, nice tie - and basically out of place.)

Enter Rory and Lorelai, followed by Luke.

Rory (seeing the narrator): Another one… I'm not even surprised.

Lorelai: Number three right?

Rory (nodding): If we don't count last week's guest or you…

Lorelai: Oh right! I forgot! It was fun…

Luke: Hey Rory, where's Jess?

Rory: He said, and I quote, I will never ever be on time for this crap again. (Luke looks confused) Let's just say that being on time brought him a new _friend_ in a form of the last week's guest… Friend in a stalkerish sense of term… Poor thing is persuaded that Jess is interested in his family stories… How did he get to this conclusion is still a mystery…

Lorelai (abruptly): A ha!

Rory: Mom?

Lorelai: Eureka!

Rory: Mom! Share your discovery…

Lorelai (proudly): I know who's behind this!

Rory: Behind what?

Lorelai: Behind this show! It's so obvious!

Luke (sighing): I'll probably regret this question… Ok so who's behind this?

Lorelai: Does the name _Emily Gilmore_ rings any bell?

Luke: Your mother Emily Gilmore?

Rory: Grandma?

Lorelai: You know any others? Of course _Emily Gilmore_!

Enters Jess and immediately freezes.

Jess (to Rory): Do I have time to run or just hide?

Rory (rolling her eyes): She's not here… Mom was telling us a crazy theory, that's all.

Jess (with false interest, to Lorelai): Oh really? Tell us, the suspense is just unbearable…

Lorelai (ignoring Jess): The narrators… (in a dramatic tone) they're like the maids!

Everybody looks confused.

Lorelai: They're like my mother's maids…

Everybody keeps staring at Lorelai.

Lorelai (impatiently): They change all the time! The narrators! The maids! They never stay! It's soooo in my mother's style! Ergo she's behind this show!

Jess: Huh. What a deduction Sherlock…

Lorelai: Elementary, my dear Watson.

Rory (laughing): Mom, did you just call Jess _dear_?

Lorelai and Jess (simultaneously): NO!

Luke chuckles. Rory keeps laughing.

Jess: Why don't we start already… The sooner we start…

Luke:… the sooner it's over. I agree.

Narrator (suddenly): Yes. Let's start.

Lorelai (to narrator): How long are you going to stay? (beat) Do you know Emily Gilmore?

Rory: Mom! Stop with your conspiracy theory!

Narrator (to Lorelai): Only for tonight. I'm not a narrator. I'm an interpreter.

Everybody looks suspiciously.

Interpreter: They needed a Chinese interpreter.

Everybody keeps looking suspiciously.

Interpreter: Your guest is Chinese. You don't speak Chinese so I'm here to translate.

Lorelai: Chinese? Rory, any idea?

Rory shrugs.

Interpreter: The sprinkler.

Luke: The sprinkler? What sprinkler?

Rory (realizing): Oh… He had Chinese sprinklers…

Lorelai (confused): Who had Chinese sprinklers? Why Chinese? Why sprinkler?

Jess (to Lorelai): Your weird neighbor. They must be cheaper. (to Rory) Forgot to tell this story to your mother?

Rory (uncomfortably): No… it's just that… it wasn't that important…

Lorelai (pouting): You didn't tell me… And I always thought I was your favorite mother…

Rory: It wasn't a big deal… And if it's any consolation, Luke doesn't know the story either…

Lorelai: He never knows anything…

Luke: Only because I don't care!

Interpreter: I'm sorry but we really have to start. Your guest has to work tonight so we don't have much time.

Everybody silently nods.

The sprinkler says something in Chinese for a minute or two.

Interpreter keeps nodding.

Interpreter: Hello to you and to the public.

The sprinkler continues for a much longer time. He keeps talking and talking.

Interpreter still nods.

Interpreter (in a monotonous tone): I was working. I had a technical problem.

The sprinkler talks and talks. Interpreter keeps nodding.

Everybody looks expectantly.

Interpreter (still in a monotonous tone): This young man helped. He talked for a moment with the girl. He left. Another young man appeared.

The sprinkler talks more excitedly, passionately for a long time. A few minutes later he leaves.

Interpreter (in the same tone): The eternal love triangle. Tragic. I'll be late for work. Goodnight.

Luke: That's it?

Jess: That was… useless.

Luke: What a waste of time!

Lorelai (to interpreter): Are you sure that's all he said?

Rory: I feel like Bill Murray…

Jess: Well that was fun… but I got to go… Rory?

Rory: We can't just leave like this without telling the story!

Lorelai: Oh oh! Let me fill in the blanks!

Luke (exasperated): You weren't even there!

Lorelai: It's an easy guess! They're pretty predictable!

Rory and Jess (simultaneously): We're not!

Lorelai: Ok so it was like this… (in a dramatic voice) Rory had a problem with the sprinkler and then magically her monosyllabic savior appeared. He fixed it quickly so he could talk with his blue eyed beauty. (in a very low voice) Oh Rory I missed you so much… I still can't believe you kissed me and just left… (in a high pitched voice) Oh Jess I'm so sorry…but you never left my heart… (in a low voice) Oh Rory… (starts kissing her hand)

Jess: You're deranged…

Lorelai: I have another version! More like (in a high pitched voice) Jess, I'm so sorry I ignored you all summer… (in a low, annoyed voice) Whatever…

Rory: It's not what he said… It's how he said it… And the way he was looking at me…

Jess (slyly): You were in your school uniform, totally soaked… Of course I stared at you.

Rory (blushing): That's not why… (beat) You know what? You're right! I stared at you because you were soaked too… Wet hair and all… You looked cute!

Jess: Not cute.

Rory: Right forgot… Not cute (laughing) but manly. (silence) Still we had a nice moment…

Jess: Yeah… until your boyfriend announced his arrival.

Rory (sighing): Yeah… He ruined our moment…

Jess: It was a good thing… Seeing you like this, who knows what I'd do…

Luke (grimacing): Too much information…

Lorelai (sarcastically): You're such a romantic, Jess!

Jess (rolling his eyes): Whatever. (to Rory) Now can we leave?

Rory: I guess so…

They leave.

Lorelai (off screen): God I need a shower… I actually called Jess dear…

Luke (off screen): Stop being such a drama queen Lorelai…

Jess (off screen): You know you're asking for impossible, right?

Rory (off screen): Jess…

Jess (off screen): You still have this uniform Ror?

Rory (off screen): Jess!

Voices fades out.


	9. Chapter 9

The Greatest Show Ever 9

A/N: Did I tell you that I love you guys? lol I do… Thank you so much for your feedback!

Izzpuppy: Yay me like singing! Oh oh can I pick something from Abbey Road? I love this album ;)

Jessobssessed09: It's one of my favorite Lit scenes… The way he looks at her… I just had to write a chapter about it!

Disclaimer: Mine! It's all mine! Especially Jess……… and then I wake up ;)

(Opening. A woman is sitting in the narrator's chair.)

Enter Lorelai and Rory.

Lorelai (noticing the woman, to Rory): A woman! Yes! I knew all those protests and letters to the White House would work eventually!

Rory: Mom, you've never protested in your whole life…

Lorelai: What? What about that time…

Rory (skeptically): What time?

Lorelai: Erm… (triumphal) That time I burned my bra!

Rory: That wasn't a protest. That was you experimenting with a new iron!

Lorelai: Stop being cynical sister suffragette! (sighs) You're getting too Jess-like…

Enter Luke and Jess.

Lorelai (muttering): Talking about the devil…

They both sit down.

Lorelai (to Luke and Jess): Look you guys! A woman-narrator!

Jess (deadpan): Yay.

Lorelai (to narrator): So what happened to our last narrator?

Narrator: He took off to Vegas… Some Barry Manilow Fan Convention…

Luke (to narrator): You're kidding? (to Lorelai) She's kidding right?

Jess (to Luke, mockingly): I'm sorry you missed this one Uncle Luke… But hey there's always a Star Trek convention!

Lorelai: Yes! Or a Jimmy Buffett's!

They start laughing. Rory looks surprised. Luke shakes his head.

Lorelai (noticing Rory's look): Oh my God! Not only I agreed with Jess… I also laughed with him…

Jess (to Lorelai): Yeah, agreeing with you is pretty disturbing… Let's go back to the simple rule – we hate each other…

Lorelai: Yes I agree… Oh no… not again! (to narrator) Can we _please _start?

Narrator: Tonight my dear public we approach a historical moment… A moment that changed everything… A moment of truth… A moment of broken hearts and new beginnings… We're talking about (looking expectantly)… the D… the Dan…

Jess (with false enthusiasm): The Dance Marathon!

Rory: Aie… My legs hurt when you mention this…

Lorelai: We were so close… So close to winning… But no! Missy here decided to solve her relationship problems that night!

Rory (offended): I got dumped by my boyfriend because I was in love with another guy! Thanks for your support mom!

Lorelai: I was supportive then… Now I can be disappointed we didn't win…

Luke: Lorelai you never won… One defeat or ten… What's the difference…

Lorelai: Oh excuse me Mr. I-don't-participate! Maybe I would win if you would help me!

Luke: There's no way I'm going to dance.

Lorelai: You danced before!

Luke: Yes. Three dances, three weddings, our included. I think it's enough.

Narrator: Can we get back to the subject? You know, the _famous_ Dance Marathon? Rory and Dean, Jess and Shane and…

Lorelai (interrupting): The catastrophe that followed?

Narrator (continuing): We have a guest tonight.

Jess (muttering): What a surprise…

Narrator: Well, surprisingly, it's someone you all know; someone who witnessed not only the dance but also everything that was going on between the two of you. Please welcome your one and only Miss Patty!

The guys pale.

Lorelai and Rory: Hello Miss Patty!

Miss Patty: Hi girls. (to Luke) Hello Luke… Aren't we looking handsome tonight.

Luke shifts uncomfortably.

Miss Patty (to Jess): My my… Jess honey that scruffy look of yours is sin worth… If only I was younger… (winks to Jess).

Jess looks disgusted.

Narrator: Miss Patty why don't you tell us what happened?

Miss Patty: It's pretty obvious. Dean was a sweetie but a girl like Rory needs a dangerous vibe in her men. And Jess has it. (eyeing Jess, dreamily) Ah… just like my third husband… Anyway we all knew the break up would happen eventually. There was nothing left in Rory's gaze when she was looking at Dean. But her and Jess – sparks were flying every time… Of course breaking up publicly, as entertaining as it was for us, wasn't too gentleman like.

Narrator: Thank you Miss Patty. Do you have something else to add?

Miss Patty: Hmm… I won a bet with Babette! I told her they'd break up because of Jess! I told it right after the Bracebridge Dinner… There was just something in the way they looked at each other… (pause) That's it I guess. I have to go; I met this really nice cab driver… We're going to have a little dinner… (winking) You guys, have a nice evening too!

She leaves.

Narrator: We have other guests tonight. It's Lorelai and Luke!

Lorelai (happily): Really? We're the guests? Luke, we're the guests tonight!

Narrator (to Lorelai): Actually you're always _only_ the guests. (pointing to Rory and Jess) The show is still all about them.

Luke: Does it mean we don't have to be here every single time?

Narrator nods.

Lorelai (to Luke): Don't even think about it. I like in here!

Luke sighs in resignation.

Jess (chuckles, to Luke): Man, you're so whipped!

Luke (looking triumphant, to Jess): You're the one who'll be embarrassed in about 5 seconds. (to narrator) We're here to say something about the beginnings of their relationship right?

Narrator nods again.

Luke (mockingly): We can summarize it in two words… Hi…

Lorelai (continuing): Bye!

They start laughing. Jess rolls his eyes.

Rory: We were nervous! That's all!

Lorelai (still laughing): You were so… eloquent!

Rory: Mom… Remember how you were when you were _just_ about to start dating Luke?

Lorelai stops laughing. Luke chuckles.

Jess (to Luke): Hey, remember your famous dating-Rory rules?

Luke stops laughing.

Lorelai: Oh they were something!

Jess (sarcastically): I really loved the couch-chair one!

Lorelai: You haven't seen his face when he realized you guys were somewhere _alone_, without his supervision, probably making out!

Luke: I was concerned!

Lorelai (deep in thoughts): Actually… As much as I hate to admit it… The very beginning… It was kinda cute…

Rory smiles. Jess looks surprised at Lorelai.

Long silence follows.

Lorelai (to narrator): The end? Can we leave?

Narrator: Sure…

Lorelai: Great! It was getting too weird… (to Luke) Let's go! I'm planning on _convincing_ you to participate in the next Dance Marathon…

They leave. The narrator follows.

Rory (to Jess): You know… What mom said made me think…

Jess: God no…

Rory (ignoring): About the dance…

Jess: No way!

Rory: But you owe me a dance!

Jess: What?

Rory (almost inaudibly): The prom…

Jess looks at Rory for a moment, nodding silently.

Suddenly he pulls her close and kisses her forehead.

They slowly start dancing.


	10. Chapter 10

The Greatest Show Ever 10

A/N: Sorry about this long update but first my muse needed some time off and when I finally wrote something ff wouldn't let me update grrr… And I know that I left some episodes but they didn't inspire me so I fast forwarded to this one. I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter but give it a try anyway…

Again thank you very much for your feedback… More please?

Disclaimer: It's my tenth… I'm getting tired of explaining that GG NOT MINE…

(Opening. Stage looks like a dinning room at the Gilmore's residence. Emily Gilmore is sitting at the table.)

Enter Lorelai and Luke. Lorelai, noticing Emily, tries to sneak out discretely.

Emily (to Lorelai): Lorelai, don't be ridiculous. I saw you coming in.

Lorelai mutters something and sighs in resignation.

They both sit at the table. Emily greets Luke rather coldly.

Awkward silence.

Enters Rory.

Rory (to Emily, surprised and anxious): Grandma… Hi… I didn't know you were coming… I… Erm… That's a surprise… I have to go get Jess… I'll be right back (she leaves quickly).

Lorelai (to Luke): 5 bucks he'll take off?

Emily: Lorelai, really!

Luke: He won't. Not if Rory asks.

Lorelai (to Luke): Ok then 10 that he'll be his extra charming self?

Luke: No… I don't want to lose 10 bucks.

Enters Rory. Jess follows discretely.

Jess (to Emily): Hello Mrs. Gilmore.

Emily looks at him coldly and nods.

Lorelai (to Rory, surprised): What did you do? He didn't run off and… he's polite! That's not normal!

Rory: Mom… Please…

Lorelai looks suspiciously at Jess for a minute or two. Jess avoids any eye contact.

Lorelai (realizing something): Oh my God! Rory! He's…

Rory (almost shouting): Mom! No! Just please no!

Lorelai shakes her head. Luke looks closely at Jess and sighs.

Emily: I'm not even asking you what was that all about. I'll find out eventually. (shouts suddenly) Maria! The dinner!

Lorelai: You brought your maid here? And what did you do with our narrator? Is she with all of your other employees? (beat) Do you keep them locked in a basement or something?

Emily: Lorelai, honestly, your jokes are getting worse every day.

Lorelai (mockingly): And I still leave the best for you mom!

Emily (ignoring): I told this _narrator_ there was no need for her to stay with us tonight. I took care of everything.

Lorelai: So basically it's a regular Friday dinner we're having?

Emily: Of course not. We're here to talk about… (looking pointedly at Jess) the _memorable _Friday night dinner. (they all sigh) What is she doing? (she leaves shouting Maria repeatedly)

Lorelai (to Rory): Ok _now_ you tell me why is your boyfriend wearing a make up?

Rory: He had a little accident and I don't want grandma to see it…

Luke (to Jess, mockingly): Got attacked by another _wild_ animal?

Lorelai and Rory (confused): What?

Jess: Ha ha… Very funny Luke…

Emily (out of nowhere, to Rory): Actually I'd like to know why you are trying to cover his black eye. (to Jess) Coming from you it's nothing new.

Everybody looks surprised at Emily.

Lorelai (to Rory, whispering): Time to find a good excuse kid…

Rory (panicked): He… We… Just…

Jess (annoyed): We were showering this morning and I slipped, ok?

Lorelai (shaking her head): Not a good excuse…

Jess: It's not an excuse. It's the truth.

Emily looks shocked.

Lorelai (to Luke, whispering): I bet she'll say it's all my fault…

Emily: _We_? What do you mean by _we_, young man? (to Lorelai) What do you have to say Lorelai? Is that how you raised Rory?

Lorelai (to Luke): See? Every time… (to Emily) Mom, she's not 16 anymore…

Jess (interrupting): It's not like I forced her. (looking suggestively at Rory) She _likes_ it…

Rory blushes.

Lorelai (to Jess): For your own good Jess… (beat) God I can't believe I'm saying something for Jess' good… Anyway… Jess – don't say another word!

Rory (suddenly): Stop! All of you! I'm not a kid anymore and if I want to I can shower with whoever I want! No… I mean… Not whoever… Just Jess… But you know what I mean…

Jess: Basically she's saying it's none of your business.

Rory: Right. Only in a much more complicated way…

Long awkward silence.

Lorelai (suddenly): I shower with Luke all the time!

Luke shifts uncomfortably.

Rory: Oh.My.God.

Jess: That's a detail I really didn't need to know…

Emily: Lorelai! That's so inappropriate!

Lorelai (to Rory): Be grateful. I'm trying to help here!

Rory: Please don't…

Lorelai (to Emily): It's environment friendly. We don't waste the precious water.

Rory: Mom…

Lorelai (to Rory): You know it's actually your fault. All this talk tonight.

Rory: And exactly how is this my fault?

Lorelai: You're the one that few years ago went to get my Chinese and instead got back with the whole I-want-to-have-sex-with-Jess idea.

Rory: You said you wanted to know!

Lorelai: Of course I wanted to know! I didn't want to end up like my mother!

Emily: What is that suppose to mean, Lorelai?

Lorelai: Nothing… I just… You know… (looking expectantly at Luke) Luke will explain!

No reaction.

Lorelai: Luke! Say something!

Luke: Sorry, I stopped listening when someone said Rory, Jess and sex in the same sentence…

Jess (to Rory): You told your mother you were thinking about sleeping with me?

Lorelai (simultaneously): So as you all can see, the whole shower thing is no biggie.

Rory: God… Can we not talk about shower anymore?

Jess: I can't believe you were discussing our sex life…

Rory: What sex life? Back then we didn't even have one!

Jess (muttering): Not by my choice…

Rory (angrily): Why we keep talking about this? Can we change the subject?

Long uncomfortable silence.

Emily: Well. I must admit I didn't expect all of this. I was invited to discuss the Friday night dinner I had with Rory and… that hoodlum of boyfriend she had. It's still quite surprising he didn't end up in jail.

Jess (sarcastically): I'm waiting for Alcatraz to reopen.

Emily: Honestly Lorelai why did you let your daughter date… (pointing accusingly) him? You knew he was no good. (pause) Even your husband is more civilized than him!

Luke: Excuse me?

Lorelai (angrily): Mom! What do you mean by that? And it's not my choice who Rory's dating! And Jess is not that bad!

Jess (mockingly): Lorelai please… You don't have to defend me…

Lorelai: Shut up you little jerk, corrupting my sweet innocent daughter…

Jess: Sweet what?

Rory (shouting): That's it! I'm leaving if you don't stop!

Emily (ignoring): I can't even call it a Friday night dinner since he showed up late, mumbled five words and just left! But I guess that's what he's doing the best, right? Leaving…

Luke (warningly): Emily, this is going too far!

Rory: He was late because of the traffic and he never talks much and he left because I jumped to the conclusions and…

Jess (interrupting): Don't. You don't have to justify my decisions. I left because your lack of trust hurt me and I didn't know how to react…

Emily (to Jess): Did you find yourself equally good excuse when you disappeared for 6 months?

Rory looks sadly at Jess who stays very quiet.

Lorelai (coldly): Mom, I think you should leave… I know you don't like Jess but you keep upsetting Rory and I won't let you.

Luke: Also I don't think it's our business. This is between the two of them.

Emily: Well… (to Rory) You'll probably regret this but it's your choice… (she leaves)

They stay silent for a long moment.

Lorelai (out of blue): Cheer up Brian! You know what they say!

Luke: Oh no! Not again!

Rory (to Luke): I told you – no Monty Python's marathon or she'll keep quoting them for days!

Lorelai (continuing): Some things in life are bad…

Luke (desperately): Lorelai stop or you won't hear the story of Jess and his friend the swan!

Lorelai stops immediately intrigued.

Jess suddenly pales.

Rory (to Jess): What swan? I don't think I know this story…

Luke (mockingly): He didn't tell you? It's such an amusing anecdote!

Jess: I… don't know what you're talking about…

Luke: Oh I can refresh your memory…

Jess: No! (takes deep breath) I… and it came out of nowhere… and… (to Luke) You find it amusing?

Luke: Hilarious. Continue. I don't think they understood the whole story.

Lorelai: What story? I didn't get a thing!

Jess (mumbling): Black eye… Some swan attacked me…

Lorelai starts laughing hysterically.

Rory: Did you just say…

Jess: That bird was vicious! He was just waiting for his new victim!

Rory: But you said you were playing football with a friend!

Luke (to Rory): Jess playing football?

Lorelai (still laughing, to Rory): Jess having a friend?

Rory starts to laugh.

Jess: I was embarrassed! Stop mocking me!

They keep laughing.

Jess: Ha ha… I'm out of here… (gets up)

Lorelai (shouting after Jess): Don't go all alone! What if this swan is still after you!

Rory: This is funnier than Trekkie-Luke!

Lorelai (to Rory): How about teasing him some more?

Rory: Oh yeah!

They leave calling Jess.

Luke chuckles, shakes his head and follows.

A/N: Ok we all know that the end is near… I think the next chapter will be the last one. I have an idea on how I want to deal with Jess leaving and everything that followed but I'm open to your propositions, so if you have any suggestions or ideas please tell me.


End file.
